Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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