Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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