I cut my penus on the lid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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