after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
