I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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