I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
