oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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