she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
how drunk are you?
Several
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
