My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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