I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
