the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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