Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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