She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
