help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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