It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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