Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
