just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
