I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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