That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
