he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
