Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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