her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
