Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
