Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
