yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
