your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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