i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
