Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
