first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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