I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
