Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
