I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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