He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
