My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
