I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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