After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
