her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
