it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
