'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
