Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
