so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
