it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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