The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"