Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...

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  (718): There's a dildo in the cheerios box here... http://tfl.nu/sohe
  Replies (12) Good night (1361) Bad night (628)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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  (651): she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks. http://tfl.nu/ad27
  Replies (16) Good night (4422) Bad night (831)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna

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  (780): We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna http://tfl.nu/yjmv
  Replies (14) Good night (1796) Bad night (4452)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he just came in and straightened the chair and left again

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  (905): he just came in and straightened the chair and left again http://tfl.nu/sy2j
  Replies (4) Good night (2536) Bad night (874)
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  (518): View more from New York

  in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility

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  (518): in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility http://tfl.nu/vdpc
  Replies (8) Good night (3594) Bad night (822)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".

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  (973): Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise". http://tfl.nu/r9vi
  Replies (7) Good night (1026) Bad night (2025)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well

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  (773): Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well http://tfl.nu/o41u
  Replies (4) Good night (577) Bad night (1245)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?

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  (509): Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right? http://tfl.nu/bnll
  Replies (16) Good night (1789) Bad night (732)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk

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  (410): I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk http://tfl.nu/te86
  Replies (12) Good night (1249) Bad night (714)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.

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  (847): Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos. http://tfl.nu/unc3
  Replies (16) Good night (1872) Bad night (579)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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  (808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf
  Replies (12) Good night (1378) Bad night (784)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps

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  (631): Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps http://tfl.nu/unlw
  Replies (2) Good night (415) Bad night (786)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just pee around me

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  (828): Just pee around me http://tfl.nu/21pc
  Replies (6) Good night (360) Bad night (600)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple 

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  (717): "YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple  http://tfl.nu/x0fq
  Replies (3) Good night (555) Bad night (254)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?

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  (563): Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex? http://tfl.nu/yp18
  Replies (5) Good night (601) Bad night (231)

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