Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
