billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night