Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?