so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
