so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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