Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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