I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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