Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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