I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You're earring is so big in my mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
