I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
