He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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