I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
