Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
