i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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