Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize