I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
