Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
