Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize