I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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