my vag is so smooth its legendary
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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