Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize