I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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