wakey wakey hands off snakey
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
