Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
