rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
