don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
