this beer tastes like vomit already
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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